Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Bisexuality Part 3: My Path To Self Discovery

I always start by saying this is my opinion and not as much about facts. Opinions change. As I grow my view point on life with change. This is about my journey.

So, this is the next segment on my journey of self discovery. What I want to discuss is how my views of my attraction to genitalia and gender roles has changed and I am happy about the transformation. One more step toward complete acceptance and freedom from societal restrictions. So, you may be wondering what changed.

When I don’t understand something it bothers me. That’s just the kind of person I am. I don’t have any close trans friends, but I feel it is important to understand anything outside of your norm. First, I looked it up and read and read and read. I watched documentaries (I’ve been doing that for years though.). Then, I made an online friend who just so happened to be trans. She is such a wonderful person that she allowed me to ask any question that I wanted to. This was truly an exciting and wonderful experience. She introduced me to another trans friend who then allowed me to ask questions. I love people who are so open and comfortable that they allow you to ask questions. I am so ridiculously outside the norm that I get tons of questions myself and I love it because how else is someone supposed to learn? So, I asked away.

Then, one day I was thinking about my experience as a bisexual and how I loved boys without knowing what things looked like in their pants. I went years without ever seeing one. I mean I was fifteen. When I finally did see one it scared the ever living piss out of me. I still loved boys nonetheless. It was very different with girls. I was taught that sex was only penetrative and I was never taught anything about labia or the clitoris. It was something you don’t touch and you just ignored unless you were on your period. I was taught that masturbation was bad. Well, I loved women and I thought they were beautiful, but I had to get over the stigma of the vulva and really the vagina all together. I had to become intimate with my own and this was the first steps on the journey to truly understand my sexuality.

So, if I loved men and women despite what was in their pants then what was the difference if we mixed genitalia up with gender? Nothing whatsoever. It’s not that I ever thought it was ugly, but I was never aroused by the aesthetics. I realized that it’s because I have been culturally led to understand genitalia in a certain way. I have been taught all my life that girl’s have vaginas and boy’s have penises. I now understand that like getting used to genitalia all together and getting used to what boys have and what girls have, I just needed to get used to it being reversed.

I have always been the type of person to fall in love with a person for who they are. I am actually turned off by rigid gender rolls and even people who look to suit them. I like flexibility and I have always understood things on a scale rather in boxes of opposites. So, this was just one more step toward understanding cultural and societal norms and how I never can quite fit them. This is just one more thing for me to accept to help me throw conformity out the window. Society is wrong on a lot of things and gender is just another one of those things.

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